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Old 07-01-2017, 02:48 PM   #11
Dutto
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"A bucket of steam." and "Red oil for the Port Lamp" are some other favourites at sea.

Some others are particularly cruel.

In 1968 I saw a young lad try to fulfil an order for some contractors building the Humberside Refinery. The lad went to the local shop, pulled a list out of his pocket, asked the lady at the back of the counter for "A jar of pickled clits." and within half a second found himself on the pavement outside the shop wondering where he had gone wrong!

Happy Days!
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Old 07-01-2017, 05:59 PM   #12
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And I've seen a young un going to get everyone's sarnies and asking the pretty shop girl for some Dutch Cap chocolate....
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Old 09-01-2017, 01:22 PM   #13
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This reminded me of the Pharma factory where I worked and safety was taken extremely seriously. We had contractors in the roof void fitting air con systems and they constantly would not wear the safety helmets and we had a spate of "incidents" where people banged their heads on hot pipes.

After a few investigations the root cause was established that due to the restricted space they would not wear the helmets as they banged against the overhead pipes so they removed them and banged their heads against the pipes instead! Maybe the empty hat was more intelligent than they were.

I had a conversation with one guy who poured 2 litres of methanol at full stretch to the back of his bench, missed the beaker and poured it all over his paperwork. I asked him if there was anything he thinks could have been done to avoid this to which he replied. "No, accidents are just things that happen to people and in this case it was just my turn.
The sad thing about this is that a week later he replaced the retiring Health and Safety rep for the lab. Fortunately we closed soon after so no harm was done!
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Old 09-01-2017, 01:44 PM   #14
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I think he moved to the Lab on a refinery I worked on.

Taking a load of samples to the lab I witnessed one of the Lab Jockeys with his head stuck in the vapour cabinet, with a pipette in his mouth, sucking up Tetraethyl Lead for a planned gasoline blend.

This was the same bloke that had told me a few days before ...

"Work in the refinery? Me? You must be joking. It's much too dangerous!"

Happy Days!

PS

For anyone who doesn't realise; the symptoms for the ingestion of Tetraethyl Lead are (according to Octel who used to manufacture it) "You have bad dreams, go mad and die!"

Note: They are the "symptoms" 'cos there ain't no cure!
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Living more in hope than expectation; and seldom disappointed.

Drinking/Conditioning
AG Light Ale (21/02/17)
AG Mild Ale (02/03/17)
Coopers Stout Kit + Grain (02/04/17)

Fermenting/Carbonating
SMASH with Maris Otter & Saaz
SMASH with Maris Otter & EKG
Pale Ale with EKG & Saaz
Vienna Lager with Hallertau

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Old 09-01-2017, 03:14 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pms67 View Post
We sent our apprentice Electrician to the front desk of the hospital in Edinburgh to get his "insulation" injection to insure he wouldn't get electrocuted 😂😂😂😂😂
What a laugh as he trooped out red faced.
I remember sending my apprentice electrician for a long stand and a sky hook whilst he was at the site office.Came back two hours later and was not impressed lol.
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Old 09-01-2017, 03:44 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutto View Post
I think he moved to the Lab on a refinery I worked on.

Taking a load of samples to the lab I witnessed one of the Lab Jockeys with his head stuck in the vapour cabinet, with a pipette in his mouth, sucking up Tetraethyl Lead for a planned gasoline blend.

This was the same bloke that had told me a few days before ...

"Work in the refinery? Me? You must be joking. It's much too dangerous!"

Happy Days!

PS

For anyone who doesn't realise; the symptoms for the ingestion of Tetraethyl Lead are (according to Octel who used to manufacture it) "You have bad dreams, go mad and die!"

Note: They are the "symptoms" 'cos there ain't no cure!
We once had a young trainee for work experience and he was titrating dilute (o.1m) hydrochloric acid and the bloke training him put everything in a fume hood, made the bloke put on a full face mask and breathing apparatus and full containment suit and then stood right next to him whilst he titrated the watery solution.

Another day we had a bloke attend for an interview and he had to visit the factory where he had to put on coat and a pair of overshoes, blue plastic things to protect the floor from your outdoor shoes. I stepped out for a minute whilst he changed and when I came back he had one of the overshoes on his head looking quizically at the other in his hand, apparently he had not brought his second head with him that day so he did not get the job.
I had to leave quickly for 5 minutes until I stopped laughing and removed all of the spectators I had rounded up.
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Old 09-01-2017, 05:34 PM   #17
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My brother (a foreman bricklayer at the time) had an apprentice who was as bad as Dougal in Father Ted.

Remember the "Far Away" sketch?


Apparently our kid had spent most of the afternoon trying to explain fractions to the apprentice.

As an example, when Joe explained that 3/16th was half of 3/8th the lad would respond with "That can't be right. Sixteen is twice as many as eight!"
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Living more in hope than expectation; and seldom disappointed.

Drinking/Conditioning
AG Light Ale (21/02/17)
AG Mild Ale (02/03/17)
Coopers Stout Kit + Grain (02/04/17)

Fermenting/Carbonating
SMASH with Maris Otter & Saaz
SMASH with Maris Otter & EKG
Pale Ale with EKG & Saaz
Vienna Lager with Hallertau

Note:
(**/**/**) = Date in bottle/keg
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