Joke of the day.

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davyE

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Or the magic car

Turned into a petrol station
 

PerthRod

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Back in the day when all there was to drink in Scotland was beer rated by the "Shilling System", a Glasgow Celtic Fan visited Rome where his Team were playing AS Roma.

He got off the plane, wandered down to a Bar and looked in wonder at the variety of drinks available. When the Barman asked him what he wanted to drink he replied "Whit daes the Pope drink?" and on being told that The Pope normally drank Creme de Menthe replied "Ahl hae a pint o' creme de menthe then."

Apparently he woke up next morning lying in a doorway with a thumping headache and thought to himself "if the Pope drinks that stuff.......no wonder they carry him around in a chair!"

http://www.scottishbrewing.com/history/shilling.php
 

foxy

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Is there a difference between schizophrenia and telepathy, I hear you ask.

I was watching the London marathon, I saw someone dressed as a chicken and another dressed as an egg. Now, I thought, this could be interesting.
 

Subtle Duck

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My girlfriend always criticises how I drive. I came home last night looking pleased with my self and told her someone complimented my driving today. They left a little note, it said ‘Parking Fine.’
 

Chippy_Tea

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Bloke walks into a pub with a newt on his shoulder and asks the barman for a pint for himself and a glass of water for Tiny, the barman asks why he called the newt Tiny and he relied because its mynewt.
 

MmmBeer

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I went to the hardware store and asked the woman "What's best for getting red wine stains off a carpet?"
"Ammonia cleaner." she replied.
"I'm sorry" I said, "I thought you worked here."
 

foxy

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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
 

MmmBeer

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Have you ever noticed that the sexiest, classiest women always seem to drive the smallest, sleekest cars?

Talking about cars reminds me, I need to arrange the MOT on the wife's transit.
 
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