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Chippy_Tea

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We have had a report about several posts in this thread i don't normally police it and as far as i know the other mods don't either, i don't want to start deleting posts as i am about to log off and have a couple of beers and i don't imagine the other mods want to either so can we all play nice for the rest of the night. ;)
 
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dad_of_jon

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chippy tell me you'll have something stronger than OP, it is friday night after all wink...
 

Spit

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My car wouldn't start this morning, so I took a look under the bonnet and was surprised to see a pair of pipistreles hanging from the engine cover.
The first said "My you're looking handsome today!"
To which the second added "And well dressed too."

I knew the problem straight away.

Bat flattery.
Bat flattery, excellent I've been sat I'm a tractor for 13 hrs today apart from getting on and off to pick about a ton of stones up been chuckling all day. Bar flattery thanks for keeping my pecker up.
 

Chippy_Tea

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chippy tell me you'll have something stronger than OP, it is friday night after all wink...
A couple of bottles of beer then as much wine as i can drink as we always have a cupboard full, to be honest that's not much these days especially on a work night when i have been up since 06:00.
 

Spratt

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A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor...
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie’s pregnant – about 4 months, would be my guess..”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Debbie ?”
Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man, I’m still a virgin!”
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out into orbit. About five minutes pass and finally, the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?”

The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. And there’s no way I’m going to miss it this time . !!
 

Stevieboy

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Four nuns die in a motorway pile up, and find themselves in the queue to get into heaven.
St Peter asks the first nun " Before entering Heaven my child, have you anything to confess?"
"Well I once touched a man's willy with my finger, it was a long time ago and I was very young"
St Peter replied "Wash your finger in the Holy Water, and enter"
The second nun steps up "I once groped a man's bottom - I was very young and naiive"
St Peter replied "Wash your hand in the Holy Water, and enter"
Then there was a jostling in the queue, and one of the nuns pushed in front of the other.
"What's going on here?" said St Peter
"Well I need to wash my mouth out, before Sister Mary here washes her a**e in the water"
 

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