Joke of the day.

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the baron

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Bob Monkhouse classic:

"They all laughed when I told them I was going to be a comedian! Well, they're not laughing now!"
That man was the king of short quick jokes and very good at doing stag does too where he was blue
 

Deathstar

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Knock Knock, who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, your a poo......


Coat is being collected.
 

Chippy_Tea

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Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

I just found out I’m colourblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
 

foxy

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That man was the king of short quick jokes and very good at doing stag does too where he was blue
I expect you will have heard of Les Dawson, first time I heard him I was on a plane going interstate through the ear phones. I just couldn't stop laughing, (because of the earphones my laughter was loud). The jokes were so quick I was missing them from laughing at the joke 3 or 4 back on the tape.
 

Dutto

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I expect you will have heard of Les Dawson, ....
Les Dawson was an institution as popular and as famous as Bob Monkhouse. Les had a fund of "Mother-in-Law" jokes as per:

"I knew the wife's mother was coming to visit when I saw the mice jumping onto the traps."

... and his piano playing was excruciating!


Enjoy!
 

foxy

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I’ve started stock piling!


View attachment 23713
I had to install a conveyor at a Knorr factory all you could smell all day long was roasting chickens.

Back to jokes.
Having a beer last night. The barman calls out "does anyone know cpr". I said "I know the whole fuken alphabet". We laughed and laughed and laughed. Well, all except one bloke.
 

Mr_S_Jerusalem

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Having a beer last night. The barman calls out "does anyone know cpr". I said "I know the whole fuken alphabet". We laughed and laughed and laughed. Well, all except one bloke.
Lol that ones excellent
 

DJDave

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My Favourite Irish Joke.

Paddy was wandering around Liverpool looking for work when he sees a sign on a building site "Daily Labourers wanted" So he goes in and finds the foreman. The English foreman asks if he has any experience in the building trade.

To be sure lots of experience says Paddy. The Foreman looks unconvinced believing that all Micks are thick as a brick and asks ok whats the difference between a Girder and a Joist?

Paddy thinks for a minute and then says to be sure it was Joyce who wrote Ulysses and Goethe who wrote Faust.........
 

the baron

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Just to further Les Dawson here is what he said re his piano playing.
Dawson claimed in his autobiography that he began entertaining as a pianist in a Parisian brothel. Making a living as a pianist evolved into comedy when he got laughs by playing wrong notes and complaining to the audience.
 
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