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Jordang

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Can I first of all clarify something - whilst tied to the bed and blindfolded are you able to aim accurately enough to get the cum in your mouth. In fact which bit of you is tied?

Do you use chains, rope or piano wire?

In your situation I would do concentrate on the texture

If it's runny and viscous I imagine you have some mature camembert in your mouth

However, if it's hard and nutty - you should insist the blindfold is removed

I am reminded of what my dear old mother used to say "they're as different as chalk and cheese" - actually maybe it wasn't the word chalk she used, but there again I am colour blind

Any one who uses the saying as different as chalk and cheese has obviously never bought a packet of mild cheddar from Kwik Save

As my doctor often says to me "keep taking the tablets"
Hi, oh helpful one.... to clarify,

I’m usually tied to a vegetable bed at the allotment by my unusually long (But permed) a**e hairs. Although on occasion I treat myself to rusty barb around the scrotum... nothing chafes quite as satisfyingly.

slack Chantelle is usually in charge of the aiming, it doesn’t help that her one good eye is a bassets liquorice all sort, but god I can’t resist her fopping bingo wings.

your mother sounds like a wise person - she obviously imprinted this excellent ability to deliver such wise and profound advice. I am forever in your debt
 

the baron

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Tell you what this thread is bringing all the deviant tendencies out. Its the best therapy some people will ever have:laugh8::laugh8::laugh8:
 

Obadiah Boondoggle

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Hi, oh helpful one.... to clarify,

I’m usually tied to a vegetable bed at the allotment by my unusually long (But permed) a**e hairs. Although on occasion I treat myself to rusty barb around the scrotum... nothing chafes quite as satisfyingly.

slack Chantelle is usually in charge of the aiming, it doesn’t help that her one good eye is a bassets liquorice all sort, but god I can’t resist her fopping bingo wings.

your mother sounds like a wise person - she obviously imprinted this excellent ability to deliver such wise and profound advice. I am forever in your debt
Just goes to prove that it takes All Sorts to have a varied and satisfying sex life

When you said rusty barb did you mean rhubarb? If so boil it first (don't forget to let it cool down before application though)

I think I know Chantelle

Is this her

1605450386611.png
 

HSD

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I think that you might be using the wrong sort of cheese. I would recommend a Spanish Monchego

View attachment 35637

It would only be an ecumenical matter if you used bailer twine, shoe laces would be OK (take them out of your shoes first though)

In terms of leaving the village, you are going to have to do this any way when this lock down is over

I find that dirty ferrets can often look better if you juggle them for 20 minutes or so every quarter of an hour

You seem to know a lot about blood - perhaps you are a hematologist or a light house keeper with red hair?

Hope you found this helpful

Cheers Aunty OB - always listening
Dear OB
I took your advice in good measure and set about juggling the deliciously tempting dirty ferrets in good order, one or two seemed to enjoy the vigorous tossing, others not so much, maybe it was the Wensleydale (after what they did to Mousehole we don’t allow Spanish cheese in the village, apart from Pedro but he makes his own), or the vicar, hard to say, anyway any advice how to remove a loofah from a ferret greatly appreciated.

I am red haired, and have a penchant for lighthouses, your powers of perception are astounding.
 

Obadiah Boondoggle

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I thought seeing as it is Icelandic Language Day I would ask people to ask for advice/comments on any of the following

- Do you have a problem with your language when you go shopping at Iceland?
- Do you feel comfortable wearing your wife's clothing when you are alone?
- Do you still feel comfortable wearing your wife's clothing at home alone when she returns home suddenly and you weren't expecting her?
- Hanging a new door (external or internal)
- Bin collection day, I know this a considerable worry for many people - in particular does any one need advice on neighbour's strange bin collection activities?

Obviously I am here to help with whatever is worrying you

Always listening and caring

Aunty OB
 

Obadiah Boondoggle

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Dear OB
I took your advice in good measure and set about juggling the deliciously tempting dirty ferrets in good order, one or two seemed to enjoy the vigorous tossing, others not so much, maybe it was the Wensleydale (after what they did to Mousehole we don’t allow Spanish cheese in the village, apart from Pedro but he makes his own), or the vicar, hard to say, anyway any advice how to remove a loofah from a ferret greatly appreciated.

I am red haired, and have a penchant for lighthouses, your powers of perception are astounding.
 

Obadiah Boondoggle

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Removing a loofah from a ferret is a very delicate matter HSD or may I call you H?

Is the ferret male or female or does it decline to answer that question?
 

Banbeer

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I thought seeing as it is Icelandic Language Day I would ask people to ask for advice/comments on any of the following

- Do you have a problem with your language when you go shopping at Iceland?
- Do you feel comfortable wearing your wife's clothing when you are alone?
- Do you still feel comfortable wearing your wife's clothing at home alone when she returns home suddenly and you weren't expecting her?
- Hanging a new door (external or internal)
- Bin collection day, I know this a considerable worry for many people - in particular does any one need advice on neighbour's strange bin collection activities?

Obviously I am here to help with whatever is worrying you

Always listening and caring

Aunty OB
Deerest Aunty OB, thanks for caring and sharing!! I have no problems with people at Iceland as I speak fluent Frozen and I'm often thrown out due to telling the cashier to let it go!!.
I don't feel comfortable in my wifes clothing when she's out as her thong goes up the wrong un, they cost her £5 (she's a classy chick) and 75p worth is up my you know where.
She's never come back during these dark times but I found it difficult to explain to her when she found that I'd recorded me wearing them over East Enders!! definatiley got the duff duffs that night.
All my doors are well hung apart from one and the others take the p155 out of it in the shower.
As for bin collections, we have no neighbours and the foxes and badgers do the recycling for us (we never asked them to)

Thanks
 
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Obadiah Boondoggle

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Deerest Aunty OB, thanks for caring and sharing!! I have no problems with people at Iceland as I speak fluent Frozen and I'm often thrown out due to telling the cashier to let it go!!.
I don't feel comfortable in my wifes clothing when she's out as her thong goes up the wrong un, they cost her £5 (she's a classy chick) and 75p worth is up my you know where.
She's never come back during these dark times but I found it difficult to explain to her when she found that I'd recorded me wearing them over East Enders!! definatiley got the duff duffs that night.
All my doors are well hung apart from one and the other take the p155 out of it in the shower.
As for bin collections, we have no neighbours and the foxes and badgers do the recycling for us (we never asked them to)

Thanks
Many thanks Banbeer - your example will be an inspiration to many

It is good to hear that you are well hung, no wonder you have problems with the thongs

I can perhaps understand why you have no neighbours
 

Mr_S_Jerusalem

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I went to Iceland a few times in my student days. We purchased the prawn ring for amusements sake, as well as a 60 piece pack of wontons and spring rolls. This of course was after a jaunt around Aberystwyth Lidl found next door, where I bought a large jar of gherkins, amongst other things. In Lidl you can buy boxes of chocolates that look and taste exactly like guylian at a third of the price.

Personally I found Frozen to be better than Frozen 2, although there is a cracking Panic at the Disco track at the end of Frozen 2.

My front gate is so badly hung it drags on the ground when I manipulate it.

My neighbour sometimes takes her bin out at 6am.
I have been known on occasion to take my bin out at midnight, but I find 6am to be distinctly more antisocial.
 
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Banbeer

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It is good to hear that you are well hung
Dearest Aunt, You should read the whole reply as it's my doors (well all but one) that are hung well and the foxes are at No.25 Karen and Felicity and the Badgers are at No.21 Don and Rhuprek the 3rd. I have no problem with the thongs apart from losing the 75p as I've just been made redundant and trying to save mohoooooney.
 

muppix

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Dear Aunty OB,

My friend has recently developed a taste for vegan-friendly curtains made from Tofu, but I still prefer the original beef variety. How should I tell him?

Yours,
Anon.
 

Obadiah Boondoggle

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Dear Aunty OB,

My friend has recently developed a taste for vegan-friendly curtains made from Tofu, but I still prefer the original beef variety. How should I tell him?

Yours,
Anon.
Tell him to pull himself together and I think you should stop beefing about it

I would also advise you to model yourself after me - I have no friends

Best Wishes

Aunty OB
 

Obadiah Boondoggle

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The weekend is here again and I know that such times are very worrying for many

Don't forget that I am always here and always listening

Aunty B
 
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