How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Lightbulb?

[Aleman]

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me!

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any, and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or 'We don't need no stinking light bulb.'

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.



How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

Tasks for today.
1) replace defective light bulb in cat's boudoir (formerly my office).
2) present following menu to cat:
Prime cuts of tuna with prawns
Premium mini fillets with trout in sauce
beef slowly cooked in a sauce with tomato
breast of duck with chicken
3) open chosen tin and serve a generous helping to cat
4) serve another generous helping to cat
5) open another tin
6) brush cat's fur with soft brush until its fur is glistening
7) naff off so as cat cat sleep peacefully in boudoir
8) switch light off as cat doesn't really need it - only required so as I can see to serve her food.

 

[hairybiker]

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

Which is why I have a dog : :thumb:

 

[Springer]

:clap: :clap:

Good job I didn't see Springers mentioned, or I'd have been over to Blackpool to **** on the grass outside your house !
:lol:

 

[evanvine]

I am impressed AM.
You have learnt what life is really all about. :clap:

 

[Vossy1]

:lol: :clap:

Spingers...I'll just check all the local flora to make sure there isn't a light bulb hiding in there :grin:

 

[Tony]

Outstanding .... and this is why I love cats so much

 

[Moley]

Outstanding .... and this is why I love cats so much

Yes, you can understand why the Egyptians worshipped them, because as far as a cat's concerned it doesn't matter if you're a peasant or a pharoah, you're still just the butler.

 

[Springer]

Did the Egyptians retrieve their own pheasants then :? :lol:

 

[evanvine]

Did the Egyptians retrieve their own pheasants then :? :lol:

Now there's tongue in cheek, I like it

 

[unclepumble]

2) present following menu to cat:
Prime cuts of tuna with prawns
Premium mini fillets with trout in sauce
beef slowly cooked in a sauce with tomato
breast of duck with chicken

8 out of 10 cat owners when surveyed were Dumb enough to believe the minced up rotting fisheads chickens lips & cows arseholes we put in our catfood tins are actually
Prime cuts of tuna with prawns
Premium mini fillets with trout in sauce
breast of duck with chicken
beef slowly cooked in a sauce with tomato

UP

 

[Aleman]

The Egyptians worshipped them

And cats have never forgotten this

 

[evanvine]

And so Adam, Eve and dog were all sorted out!
Cat didn't give a damn one way or the other.

 

[leedsbrew]

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

Put those both together and you get.........

"If you throw that light bulb, I'll get it for you!.........................throw the bloody light bulb!!!!!!!"

 

[leeboozer]

Is that robin hoods bay LB?

 

[Springer]

Like it leeds :lol:

Is that robin hoods bay LB?

Yeah, I thought that lee, think I recognized the women in the pic who works at the corner shop there. :lol:

 

[the shadow]

so wot do you get if you cross a jack russell and a shitzu

 

[Springer]

so wot do you get if you cross a jack russell and a shitzu

Dunno Shadow, but not as bad to tread in as a Dobberman and a Shitzu cross :nono: :nono: :nono: :lol:

 

[Wendy1971]

very good :grin:

 

[Springer]

Worked it out actually Shadow :lol:
and then did a Google

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of
Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they had 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt.
Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they had Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them. :lol: :lol:

 

[leedsbrew]

Ey up lads!

Aye it is Robin Hoods Bay! We went to meet my Dad last year after him and a mate finished the coast to coast! That there is Ripley! He loves the beach!